fighting with myself

First things first.  Go play this on google.
It's cracking me up.

Speaking of running... (if you don't follow that segue, you didn't go play the game on google, did you) I had this plan to run and follow the bodyrock workouts...
I haven't done anything this summer.  Which I feel is a let down since last summer I was training for the Halloween Half and running a lot.  My body felt great.

I was seeing muscle definition in my thighs.

I've come to realize that if I have to hold myself responsible for working out, I'm going to let myself get away with not doing it, or doing very little.

I had thoughts of wanting to work with a personal trainer again, but frankly, as awesome as it was to work with a trainer, I didn't want to put the money into that. 

And if it isn't already clear, I'm being super lazy, so filling up my precious time to go to the gym when I could be home with my family...
I didn't want to do it.

So how about a friend?  One who's devoted and will hold me responsible for working out together?  One in my neighborhood so I can pretty much just do it around home?

I didn't even ask anyone.
Who would want to do that with me?
And frankly, if I asked someone, they might actually hold me to it.

And then I saw these pictures:

Okay, let's get on my train of thought here.
I am by no means being the "skinny" girl who's crying about being "fat."
Okay?
But.
My body is changing in ways I'm not at all liking.
It embarrasses me so much that I've started wearing cardigans to cover up my middle.
It embarrasses me so much that yesterday when I blogged about the chalkboard, I cropped the pictures so my belly wasn't in it.

And I don't want to feel that way about myself.

I have to change how I'm acting if I want to feel better about myself.  This muffin top and these love handles have got to go!

So I hit up my biggest support group.  My number one reason for not doing something is that it takes me away from home.  My biggest support group happens to live with me.

So I told them they needed to do the workouts with me.  They needed to remind me to do them.

And last night they did.

And then I felt guilty because not only do I need to do these exercises, but I need to be an example to my circus.
It's good for them to have exercise in their lives and to learn to be active.
So we did the the bodyrock workout outside. 

On the front lawn.

For the entire neighborhood to see.

And I didn't even care.

Except that guy who drove by really slow and stared at us the entire time... that was a little awkward.

I'm not too worried about losing weight per se, but toning up.
And so, with the help of my circus, I've begun.

I can't believe I just threw that out there for all to see.
Don't judge me too harshly.  We're all allowed to want to better ourselves, right?
And yes, I know I have self esteem issues.

How do you combat that?