I Am Not Alone.

Is it too late to decide that taking math and Spanish in the same semester might be a little too much?

Yeah?

I thought so.

As it is, only 35 days until graduation so even though I feel I'm barely hanging on to life by my fingernails there is light at the end of the tunnel and I'm beginning to feel it.

I just want to say that I know my Heavenly Father has helped me through this semester.

Probably in the usual ways with understanding on the subjects I'm studying, but in other ways too.

Sometimes the ways He helps us are subtle and we don't even realize what's happening if we don't take the time to notice it.

Exhaustion has been my constant companion this semester.  I just can't get enough sleep.  I'm waking up at 4:45 in the morning and running strong and hard with classes, homework, work, occasional manuscript deadlines, church duties, and family.  

By the time I'm ushering The Circus off to bed at 9:00 I feel I have just enough movement left in my limbs to fall into bed myself.  

And then I wake up and do it all over again.

There's a few things I feel I'm being helped with.

1. I can get up and do it all over again.  Somehow, even with the exhaustion, I'm still going.  

2. Even with a 24 hour stomach bug and several colds circulating our home this winter, I've been solid in my own health.

3.  A husband who hasn't complained about my load and how it affects what I can and can't get done around the house one bit.  Not once.  Even when he's eating ramen for the third night in a row.

4.  Kids who have never complained about my load and how it affects what I can and can't get done around the house one bit.  Not once.  Even when they can't go to a friend's house "today" because Mom has class and can't come pick them up.

5. Friends who have never complained about my load and how it affects what I can and can't get done at church.  Not once.  Even if they have to fill in for me on Wednesday nights because I have Spanish class for a few months.

6.  Somehow I'm not behind on anything.  Due dates are met.  Deadlines are met.  Meetings are attended (mostly).  40 hours is put in at work.  Projects are finished.  Errands are run.  Appointments are made. A bedroom was repainted.  I attend soccer games.  I attend orchestra concerts.  I teach lessons.  And I still have time to talk with my children every day and fit a date night in with The Man on the weekend.

Though blog posts have become scarce.  I guess something had to give.

If I stop to notice it, I'm being held up.  I'm being buoyed.  

I feel the term "count your blessings" is thrown around flippantly.  We're used to it, we hear and say it in such an off handed way.  But in all honesty, if life is feeling hard, or heavy, or exhausting, take a step back and look at how blessed you are in all of it.  

We get busy.  We get tired.  And sometimes there isn't anything we can do about it but push forward.  But we are not alone.

"And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."  Doctrine and Covenants 84:88.

Elaine Dalton taught us: "In the strength of the Lord, I can do all things." (Alma 20:4).

Sheri Dew taught us: "But the Lord in His mercy has made it so that we need never deal with the challenges of mortality alone."

"President Hinckley has often said that the only way he knows to get anything done is to get on his knees and plead for help and then get on his feet and go to work. (Here)"  I feel that to be true, especially in this phase of my life.  But I know, despite how big it seems, and how exhausting it feels, and how much guilt I sometimes carry at all that I'm not doing, He is pulling me through.  

I am not alone.  

And neither are you.

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Phineas and Ferb Sums Up Motherhood. And Pinterest Recipe Reviews.

Last night we were watching Phineas and Ferb on Netflix.

I love that cartoon.

That and Wizards of Waverly Place.

That's pure entertainment right there.

Anyway, Phineas and Ferb.  This scene happened and I cracked up.  As in giggled myself silly because this scene right here explains exactly what it feels like to be a mom.  Watch how Baljeet reacts to Buford:



I died.

Not 15 minutes after watching that show I was in the kitchen with The Circus talking about "The Muppets Christmas Carol" when someone asked Tayler if she even knew what we were talking about and she replied, "Ihop."

Baljeet ran through my mind.

I feel that way much too often.

Today we wanted to tell you about some more pinterest recipes we've tried out in our home.
There's some seriously good stuff on that website.

Forgotten Chicken
pinterest link here  original link here

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This recipe was easy with a capitol E.

I also heard once that if you want to switch your family over to brown rice instead of white, you should use brown rice in new recipes, not established recipes, because then they don't notice a taste difference.  So I tried that with this recipe.  I used instant brown rice instead of white rice.

I don't think my family has a clue.

Out of 9  votes (Papa Mike at it with us once too) it got...

all 9.

We've eaten it two Sundays in the last month.  It's already become a regular dinner at our house.

Go pin it.  Go make it.

Baked Penne
pinterest link here  original link here

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I usually avoid baked pastas.

As much as I love them, The Man needs meat.  And baked pastas are usually just pasta and cheese, and sometimes veggies.  So when I saw that this baked pasta called for meat I sang with the hallelujah choir in my head.

Out of 8 votes it got...

all 8.

Again we've made this twice in a month's time and then a third time on left over night.  When The Circus found out I was making if for a second time they got excited.

Huge hit.

I skipped the green peppers in it and used regular ground hamburger.

Amazing Crockpot Chicken Taco Chili
pinterest link here  original link here

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We didn't cover ours with Fritos.

I can't say enough about finding really good recipes for the crockpot, especially as a working mom.

Out of 8 votes it got...

7

Sort of.  The first time I made it Tayler claimed it to be too "spicy" but she ate it perfectly fine the next time I made it.

And The Man said it was "okay," but when I told him it a healthier recipe he said in that case it was really good.  He likes it when eating healthier tastes good.

I've made this repeatedly and there haven't been any other comments "against" it.

I'm also planning on making for my work party coming up in a couple of weeks.  I think it's good enough to share.

Baked Spaghetti
pinterest link here  original link here

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Spaghetti has been a fall back out our house for years because I'm lame and use jarred sauce.  It doesn't get any easier than boiling noodles and opening a jar.

Needless to say The Man is sick of spaghetti.

I decided to try this and see if I couldn't change it up a little bit.

Only 6 of us were home that night and out of 6 votes it got...

5

The Man is still sick of spaghetti.  So I don't really think that counts against this recipe.  It was super fun to present spaghetti in a different way like this.  I found it a little dry when I ate it so I just poured a little extra sauce on the plate and dipped.

Also, when I do this again (after a few months.  Let The Man get his spaghetti vibe back) I'd like to make it more garlicky.

Lime Chicken Tacos
pinterest link here  original link here

{source}

This recipe was for the crockpot, but I just did it one night in a pan.

Out of 6 votes it got...

5

The Man had an aversion, for some reason, to the smell of it as it was cooking and thus refused to even taste it.

I wonder if I did it in the crockpot if it would smell better to him?  Because the rest of us thought it was fantastic.

This weekend I get to take The Man on an adventure for his birthday.  Which is still two weeks away but I'm working with an expiration date here, what do you do?  You do it early, that's what.

I can not wait.

Also, I read this article and fell in love with it.

“Let us ask ourselves the questions,” he (Pres. Thomas S. Monson) has said, “‘Have I done any good in the world today? Have I helped anyone in need?’ What a formula for happiness! What a prescription for contentment, for inner peace. … There are hearts to gladden. There are kind words to say. There are gifts to be given. There are deeds to be done. There are souls to be saved.”


“The prayers of people are almost always answered by the actions of others.”

And this one too.  (Thanks Evonne).

For that, good intentions are not enough. We must do.

Let us resolve to cherish those we love by spending meaningful time with them, doing things together, and cultivating treasured memories.

Service, Hiking Bell, Napoleon Dynamite

After yesterday's bad morning rant (here), I came home to soft rolls and a kind note from my neighbor.

It makes me realize how simple it can be to reach out to someone, and how badly I lack in doing that myself.
Sometimes I get ideas on things I could do for someone else, but I always fail on the follow through.

I need to step up and be better, because it's little things like this that make life wonderful.

Thanks Kirstin, for more than just the rolls.

Last night for our Young Women's activity we teamed up with the scouts and took a hike.

There was some debate on what our trail was actually called, but somewhere in there I think I heard it's part of the Bell Canyon area.  But not the main hike, one that comes to the lake from another direction?  I don't know.  All I know is that we dragged Peggy along and that lady struggled.

So I had to carry her butt up the mountain.

Okay not really, I did what any good friend would do and just dumped her on a rock in the middle of the trail.

Just kidding. Peggy is awesome and obviously makes things a lot of fun.

We hiked up to the lake (next spring I want to take that hike all the way up to the waterfall) and looked at the sunset over the valley.

We looked over the valley and identified important structures like... Costco.

We encountered wild life.

I seriously dig hiking.  I love feeling my body be strong and push through the hard parts and the fatigue.  I love that even when a hike gets really hard, I finally make it to the destination and I feel a sense of pride.  I love that I get to be somewhere and see something that not everyone sees, only those who put the effort into it get to see it.

I just love that.

This world holds so much beauty in it, and as I stood there on the mountainside, looking at the fall colors in the leaves, the ducks in the lake, and the sunset over the valley that I dearly love, alongside people that I dearly love, I knew that life is good.  Even if I did allow myself to wallow in my crappy morning, life is good.

Today at school is Napoleon Dynamite day.

Because apparently it isn't politically correct to say nerd day anymore.

Gosh!

"You know, there's like a boat-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bow staff."

"Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can't fit my numchucks in there anymore."

"What are you gonna do today, Napoleon?" "Whatever I feel like I wanna do. Gosh!"

"Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter." "Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time."

"Hey, Napoleon. What did you do last summer again?" "I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!" "Did you shoot any?" "Yes, like 50 of 'em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?"

"Um, hello. Would you like to look like this?" "This is a girl."

"I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to."

"Do you think people will vote for me?" "Heck yes! I'd vote for you." "Like what are my skills?" "Well, you have a sweet bike. And you're really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus you're like the only guy at school who has a mustache."

"Well, what are you going to wear to the dance?" "Just like a silk shirt or something."

"Just tell them that their wildest dreams will come true if they vote for you."

"Hi, is Napoleon there?" "Yes." "Can I talk to him?"  "You already are."

"What the flip was Grandma doing at the sand dunes?"

"Well, things are getting pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious."

"Freakin' idiot!"

Napoleon Dynamite quotes here

"The Car Crash" and walking away from it

"Do the best you can through these years, but whatever else you do, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Mothers, we acknowledge and esteem your faith in every footstep. Please know that it is worth it then, now, and forever."

-Jeffrey R. Holland
(read it in full here)

I read that quote on nienie dialogues a few days ago and it brought to mind a time in my life when things got scary.  And we should have been seriously hurt.
And we weren't.

I told you today that I would tell you a grand story.  I remembered to grab the CD of pictures that my Brent-dad took and gave to me.

It's been what... 6 years since I've looked at these pictures?

I'm feeling a little tender and raw after looking at them.

One summer morning my brother, Bill, and his wife, Jessica, and their two small children came to visit us while we were living in Vernal, Utah.
We didn't get to see much of them so I was happy to have them there.
My ex husband, who at the time of this story was still my husband, without the ex on it, had gone to work before daylight.
The rest of us woke up at a fairly early time, but not too bad.
Jessica and I decided we needed donuts for breakfast.
So I got dressed, a fact I would come to be grateful for and loathe all at the same time in a mere ten minutes time, and we gathered up all of our kids.  Bill opted to stay at the house and wait for us.
We had 6 kids under the age of 6 years between the two of us.  I happened to drive a suburban so we had enough seat belts for the brood, but we ended up giving Cali's car seat (she was barely two years old I think) to her cousin Brenna who was younger than she was.  We put Cali in the middle seat of the third row with a regular seat belt.

We strapped Sam in his infant carrier down and all the other girls buckled up.

We headed off.

It was a typical Vernal morning.  A steady flow of traffic was on the highway that lead through the middle of town, in one end and out the other. I lived on the outskirts of town and the bakery in the grocery store that we were headed to was on the other side of town so we got on that highway and headed in.

Have you ever seen Vernal's main intersection?  Where Highway 40 intersects with Vernal Ave?  Where all the banks and cute shops and a few restaurants are nestled?

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If you look you can see two lanes of travel for both directions, plus a turning lane in the middle.  At the time of morning we were driving, the curbs on both sides were filled completely with parked cars.

Right as we passed Vernal Ave into this section of road I noticed a white Chevy Avalanche pick up truck  driving towards us in the opposite lanes.  We were both in the lanes of traffic next to the turning lane. 

I don't know why I took notice of this truck.  There was just... something.  As I looked at this pick up again I noticed it started to slide into the turn lane, but I realized it was more of a drift than an actual moving over and the thought struck me, "he's going to come into my lane."  And then I thought of Cali who was only in a seat belt and not in a car seat.  It only took a second for these thoughts to process and in that second I knew I was right.  I had no time to warn my family. 

Time seemed to be going so slow.  Each second was very clear and very precise.  I knew I had a car in the lane next to me, and I had cars behind me.  There was no where for me to go.

I remembered learning in driver's ed that people get seriously hurt in car accidents when they tense up, so as the truck entered my lane, I let go of the steering wheel to keep from bracing against it, in hopes that I wouldn't be seriously hurt.

Some of the details have become muted over the years, but I still remember with such clarity that moment of impact.
I once saw an accident happen, and it happened in a flash.
And yet, when I was in this one, I remember ever movement in that flash.

I remember the airbag going off in front of me, and then the car tipped up and I was looking at the sky and the windshield cracked all over. 

But then the next thing I new the suburban was back on all four tires and I was looking at my crumbled hood, and the white pick up beyond that.

My throat, nose, and eyes were burning from the smoke and chemicals from the deploy of the airbag.

And for a split second everything was dead silent.

But then I heard hissing.  And crying.

I called 911 and was told that there were other accidents that morning and someone would get to us as quickly as they could.  I told them we had kids.  It really didn't take that long for them to come.  Maybe 5 minutes was all.  I looked into the back of my car at the crying kids and couldn't see Cali. 

Cali!

"Where's Cali?"
They all just cried and looked at me.
So I yelled with stress and fear, "Where's Cali?!"

"She's right here, Mom.  She's on the floor."

I might have started crying then.

I tried to get of the car but my door wouldn't open.  Jessica couldn't get out of hers either.
I determined that I need to crawl into the back with the kids and try those doors, but as I began to pull myself out from underneath the steering wheel, a man opened the back door and started pulling my children out.

Casidee kept yelling, "is this real?  Is this real Mom?"
"Yes Cas, this is real."

I called to Cali to come to me and she did.
She was bleeding on her face but seemed to be calm.  Or in shock.
I found as I climbed out of the car that people who were working in the banks and the shops there on that little stretch of road had come out and were on the road taking my children. 
Speaking soothingly to them, hugging them, leading them to the sidewalk where they sat and held them in their laps.
And all I could think was the poor man who had opened the door for us was holding Cali, and he was going to get blood on his nice shirt.

I called my ex husband and told him we'd been in an accident and I scared him.  Apparently I was rambling like a lunatic and I kept repeating myself. 

The paramedics showed up and started assessing us.  They put Cali in a car seat from the ambulance and put me on a stretcher, but kept Cali close to me and we held hands, though I couldn't see her because she was sitting at the top of my head.

At this point I was glad I was dressed, for all of the people.  But when the paramedic asked me if my jeans were my favorite?  Because he was going to have to cut them.  They were.  He did, he slit them clear up to my thigh.  He needed to see my legs, and if there was any damage there.  I wasn't so happy with the thought that I had put them on after that.

I realized that my children were hurt and scared and I wasn't going to be able to be there for them because I was hurt myself.
I handed my phone to one of the medics and begged him to call my neighbor for me.  To tell her we needed people who the kids knew to come to the hospital and be with them so they wouldn't feel alone and scared.

I watched them put Cas on a stretcher and I bawled.  She was just too little to be on that big stretcher.

Things did calm down after that.  They allowed me to have most of my children in the same ER room with me.  Wonderful friendly neighbors showed up to follow the girls to various x-ray rooms so they wouldn't be alone.  They held their hands and spoke sweetly to them.

Turns out the worst injured was Cali.  She needed stitches in her lip and thigh, and had broken her right arm, right under the shoulder.
And that was as bad as the injuries got.

They admitted Cali and Casidee into the hospital to watch them.  Casidee kept complaining of stomach pains and they wanted to watch for internal injuries, but in reality I think she just had nerves.

More neighbors and friends came to the hospital and brought toys and food and flowers.
One sweet lady brought us the donuts that we never ended up getting.

And the bishopric gave me a blessing.  This is where the quote comes in .
I don't remember all of the blessing, but I remember that he said, "you were not alone today.  Angels were with you."

And I believe it 100%.  The doctors and paramedics were amazed.  They kept saying it was a miracle that no one else was hurt from the crash.  They couldn't believe that we were all walking away from it.

I was told that the engine block should have ended up in my lap.
But it didn't.
It stopped just before it would have.

Luckily we didn't have to stay over night at the hospital.  We left really late, but the doctor's felt the girls just needed to be home.

So I love that quote from Elder Holland.
So much that I'm going to put it here again.

"Do the best you can through these years, but whatever else you do, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Mothers, we acknowledge and esteem your faith in every footstep. Please know that it is worth it then, now, and forever."
We ended up on the front page of the local newspaper.  We did, after all, close down Vernal's main intersection for a morning.
When I saw the picture on the front, with the suburban wrecked in the background, and myself there on a stretcher with my children around me...
it made me nauseous.
So I bought a copy.  I still have it.

And I will never forget how the Lord was there with us that day.

I believe in guardian angels.

it's all about perspective

Sometimes in life all you need is a little perspective.

Sometimes even though you're looking at the same scenery over, and, over, and over,

just changing your perspective can make all the difference in the world.

This is beautiful and just what I needed. You should go read it.

We do.

I believe in kissing a lot

"I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner.
I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles." - Aubrey Hepburn

Day 8

My favorite quote(s).
*** "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?" -Marianne Williamson, made famous by requoted by Nelson Mandela in his inaugural speech.

*** "What your mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve."

*** "The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts.... We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it." -Charles R Swindoll