I Am Brave And Beautiful.

Megan from Brassy Apple started her blog post yesterday by saying, "I am Brave and Beautiful – a beauty movement that is sweeping the globe. Colbie Caillat started it with her recent song and video called TRY. And I wanted to push this movement along and invited women from all over to join me and share what they looked like without make up on!! I’ve been hinting about it on social media as my “secret project”. It’s not a secret anymore! Colbie’s song says, 'Take your make up off. Let your hair down… Look into the mirror at yourself, Do you like you? Cause I like you… '"

This hit a raw spot for me.

Take a minute to read her post, if you haven't already.

I have struggled with my self-esteem for my entire life.  I can't even really tell you were it stemmed from.  Some moment or collection of moments long forgotten. 

I fought intense shyness caused by the lack of confidence I had in myself.  I tried to hide it through out High School and College.  I joined clubs and played sports and even ran for student body office (and ultimately won).  But I battled with my image in the mirror every morning.  Every date invite shocked me. Every boyfriend eventually friend-zoned because honestly, it couldn't be more.  Why would they want to?

A marriage to a man who was supposed to love me more than anyone else, but tore me apart instead.  My hair wasn't right.  My clothes weren't right.  I wasn't tan enough.  My boobs weren't big enough.  I did everything wrong.  I did everything at the wrong time.  I was boring to talk to.  I was boring to hang out with.  He didn't want to come home to be with me.

I just wasn't right.

After my divorce I tanned up and toned up with a personal trainer.  I visited a hairstylist regularly.  I removed hair with lasers that wasn't even visible, but surely it's what I needed to do.  I was desperate to be that beautiful woman that any man would want.  I needed to be the full package.

I wish I could go back and tell myself a few things.  Save myself some heartache and depression.  And painful laser treatments.

I see teenage girls, and even adult women doing to same things I did.  Primping on the outward appearance to gain what they hope will be a meaningful connection with someone.  In hopes that someone will validate their worth for them.

And I want to tell them.

It doesn't matter what anyone else says or does.  The battle that is being fought is in your own head, in your own heart, and you need to give yourself a break.

This life is hard.  It's full of challenges and heartaches and headaches and every other ache imaginable all on it's own.  Why do we compound it by tearing ourselves apart flaw by flaw?

I want you to write this statement on every mirror you own:

I AM BEAUTIFUL!

I'm not even joking.  Do it.

Remind yourself of what you need to be thinking about yourself.

I used makeup as a safety blanket.  I believe absolutely that you should get up in the morning and get fully ready for the day.  Even if you have nowhere to go and no one to see.  For me this consists of showering and shaving, doing my hair and makeup, and wearing real clothes.  Not yoga pants.  Not sweats.  If I'm working, obviously I'm putting on nicer clothes, but even when I'm not, I'm wearing good jeans and some sort of necklace with that t-shirt and those flip flops. 

When I had Lasik done a few months ago I had to go without makeup for a week and a half after the procedure was done.

I have not gone a day without makeup for... I can't even tell you.  Probably Jr. High.

And there I was facing a week and a half of it.

I had to go to work with a bare face.  I had to go to church with a bare face.  I had to face my husband with a bare face.

I would do my hair and put on my best clothes and remember the words of my Grandma Martin, "if you're smiling no one will notice anything else about you."

So I smiled, even while I was dying inside, knowing as I walked into my office, or through the church doors, that people would be shocked by how washed out and pale I looked without makeup.  

And then I heard it.

"Wow, I don't know what it is, but you look so pretty today."

"You have such pretty eyes."

"Your skin is perfect."

And I blushed.  Shocked.  Surprised.  Taken totally off guard.  And I would confess to not being allowed to wear makeup and found myself even apologizing for not having it on.  And they would look at me confused and say, "oh, I didn't even notice you weren't wearing any."

To all of you who hide behind the makeup and the clothes.  Who cling to the imaginary expectations of society of what a beautiful woman should look like.  You.  Are. Wrong.

Give yourself the credit you deserve.

You are beautiful!  You are brave!

And so am I.

With that I join Megan's campaign and post my picture of myself with no makeup. And no filter.

This last weekend The Man and I took The Circus to Moab for camping, hiking, and riding.  We woke up at 4:30 Thursday morning, jumped in the car and headed off for an adventure.  I hadn't washed my face and still had my makeup on from work the day before.

Always.

But Thursday night, after a hot day of hiking, I sat down with my makeup remover and wiped my face clean.

And it stayed that way for the next three days.

And I was okay with it.

I was good.

Even while shopping and eating out for dinner one night.

Because The Man doesn't love me for my mascara.  And my kids don't love me for my eyeliner.  And I'm no longer defined by my mask of foundation.

I am beautiful.  Just as I am.

I hope it doesn't take you as long as it took me to realize that about yourself.

Join the movement.  Post your pictures sans makeup on your social media and tag it #IAmBraveAndBeautiful and #ColbieTry

And show the world what the definition of beauty really is.