motherhood is

I imagined motherhood being happy.

I know, how naive of me. 

Don’t get me wrong, it is happy.  But in my mind, it was June Cleaver happy.  I pictured a clean house (sparkling even) and my young family kneeling together in prayer.  Everyone actually had their eyes closed even. 

I know, right?

This is very literally the image that came to my teenage mind when I was asked what I wanted to be when I grow up.  “A mom…” followed with a dreamy sigh.  Like it was the highest calling in life.

Actually, it is the highest calling in life.  But “motherhood” isn't the end result.  “Motherhood” is the progression, the journey.  Oh sure, it’s the end result too, it just isn't just the end result.  It’s all the in betweens as well.

I imagined motherhood being happy, but I feel I missed the mark with that expectation.  I feel I didn't give motherhood enough justice with only asking it to be happy.  What I didn't expect was for motherhood to be so rich and so full.  How it would utterly change me by giving me such depth as an individual.  Motherhood isn't just happy, it’s joy and sorrow.  It’s exhaustion and exhilaration.  It’s hope and it’s fear.  It’s being stretched emotionally, physically, and spiritually more than you have ever been stretched before and coming out better for it.

Being a mother trumps everything else I've come to accomplish in my life.  Running my first half marathon in my goal time didn't mean nearly as much to me as the evenings running while my children rode their bikes alongside me.  Gaining the promotion at work was nothing compared to the encouragement and prayers from my family.  Receiving orders for decorated cakes aren't nearly as fulfilling in life as watching my kids help roll out the fondant with me. 

They take more pride in the things that I accomplish than I do.  To be loved like that is more than being happy.  It’s being a mother.